Last weekend was one of the worst I’ve experienced. Friday seemed to be filled with a series of unfortunate events, which deterred any motivation I might have had to leave the apartment Saturday & Sunday. Yesterday, however, just made the whole weekend fade away. I find it funny that many people hate Mondays simply because it’s the beginning of the WORK week. For me, Mondays are usually better than Fridays. Though I acknowledge the reality that I have to work in order to survive (it’s taking a lot for me not to talk about that right now), I don’t recognize this “work week” because work isn’t the central purpose of my existence. Okay, that one slipped.
Anyway, included in that series of misfortunes from Friday was me being the target of my son’s grandfather’s anger. Both of us were having a bad day, but that negative interaction just broke me. I mean, we are always calling each other family, confessing that we need each other, & so forth, yet mistakes beyond my control almost destroyed that relationship between us… ALMOST…
Yesterday, he surprised me with a phone call as I was almost home. Honestly, I was prepared to blow up on him but in my logical way. I ended up hanging out with him for 7 hours instead. Admittedly, I was not prepared to just cut him off like others because I take friendships very seriously, but my kind has decreased dramatically over the years.
What is a friendship these days, really? From my observations & a few experiences, the term itself is ambiguous if we follow the text definition & compare it to how humans treat even their “best friends”. Even I have professed “forever” only for a relationship to end within months. So why do we often say “friends forever” or “I will always love you, no matter what” but sever ties when the difficult moments occur? For that matter, what is love anyway? When we are in pleasant moods, we can make all types of commitments & feel like we’d honor such forever & always but throw our hands up in frustration when real life happens. Suddenly “forever & always” ends a lot sooner than expected, & the pride & egos of each party stand in the way of what could have possibly been “forever & always”.
Yes, I am guilty of turning away without looking back, but at least I can claim AND prove that my reasons are different (though not necessarily excusable). I’m very much the type of person who is serious about communicating. Whenever there is a problem, I have hopes of having a DISCUSSION, not an argument, about the issue. However, because of my experiences, I am reluctant to approach anyone else even if it means that a problem could be resolved. I just hate conflict, which makes my hesitation ironic. Maybe one day, I won’t be so concerned with hurting someone else’s feelings as they hurt mine for the sake of hurrying forever.